I never knew the actual definition of a narcissist until I learned of this term a few months ago. As soon as I learnt the meaning, I realised that I know so many narcissists. They would make me think, why on earth are you like this?
Narcissists can be bearable until they start affecting your life. I remember constantly getting cut off in arguments, never getting a word in edge wise. This resulted in me just shutting up because I knew no matter how much I argued with this certain person, I was never going to win. They were never going to see my point of view, or admit that they were wrong.
The toxicity of a relationship with narcissist impacts your life and way of thinking tremendously. It can make you more timid and you lose that fight in you because you’ve been quiet pretty much all your life as you weren’t allowed to have an opinion. What narcissists do not understand is that the way they are not only effects their life, but the ones they love.
A big trait of narcissism is jealousy. Wanting what the other person has, or never feeling happy for another’s achievements. They always feel a need to upstage and impress others who make them feel small. As a result, they end up appearing like braggers – constantly bringing up their own efforts and barely acknowledging other’s. I’ve experienced this where I would bring up something I’m really proud of, and the narcissist would belittle it and make it seem meaningless. They would then talk about something they have done. It’s exhausting.
One thing I don’t think narcissists understand is consideration for others. With my experience with narcissists, talking about my life or anything I’ve been doing was rare. To be honest, looking back on it, I seldom talked about myself. The topic of conversation was always them and that was the only topic they enjoyed talking about. Like the jealousy, this too was tiring. It’s like they viewed the people around them as a channel to express their feelings… about themselves. And you can clearly see that everyone around them was fed up with it. Sometimes, I called them out on it. I would throw in a ‘you know the whole world doesn’t revolve around you‘ or ‘we’ve been talking about you all day, do you want to know take a break?’. This would in turn be responded with ‘I’m so sorry! I’ll stop now!’. But the next hour would be about them.
Always fishing for compliments
Narcissists can not stand when someone else other than them is getting attention. I remember maybe if I commented on someone’s figure or how pretty they were, they would always try and fish for compliments then themselves. Pretty draining. They always need constant praise and admiration so they can maintain that big ego they have.
As a result, we’re left with an attention seeking, self absorbed, jealous narcissist. Reading that you would think, jeez I never want to be around that kind of a person. But sometimes, most of us are and don’t know how to cut ties. Having a relationship with a narcissist can be doable, but if it starts taking a toll on your life and self-esteem, that’s when you must cut out the toxicity.